The holidays are full of questions and not all of them have to do with gift-giving. So, what constitutes good manners at parties, dinners and family gatherings? For instance, is it OK to show up at someone\u2019s door with unexpected guests? Do your hosts really expect, or need, an RSVP?<\/p>\n
Daniel Post Senning, spokesman for the Emily Post Institute and co-host of the podcast Awesome Etiquette, weighs in on 21st-century holiday etiquette questions for hosts and guests.<\/p>\n
Is it OK to invite only some members of a family or to say \u201cadults only\u201d to a holiday party?<\/strong> But be careful about excluding people at big events. That includes spouses. They have a special place. They are not a \u201cplus one.\u201d<\/p>\n How important are RSVPs?<\/strong> Is it OK, then, to call and remind someone who hasn\u2019t responded?<\/strong> Should you keep your food allergies\/sensitivities to yourself?<\/strong> As a host, it\u2019s your job to accommodate your guests and make them comfortable. If you can\u2019t redesign the whole menu, you might offer one special dish.<\/p>\n What if you\u2019re served something you can\u2019t eat?<\/strong> What\u2019s a good hostess gift, and is one expected?<\/strong> Someone\u2019s late. When can you start eating?<\/strong> Even worse, your neighbor shows up early? <\/strong> The presidential election is sure to come up at the Thanksgiving table. How do I tell Grandpa Joe to keep his thoughts about Donald or Hillary to himself?<\/strong> If the stakes are higher, say someone traveled far to be there, save the political conversations for the den after dinner to spare hurt feelings, Hosts have a responsibility to monitor the talk at the table. If talk is hurtful, it\u2019s entirely appropriate to interject and redirect the conversation.<\/p>\n What about people who hijack every conversation?<\/strong> My sister-in-law always under-seasons her mashed potatoes. Is it rude to add salt and pepper?<\/strong> What\u2019s the protocol when it comes to returning pans and containers after a holiday feast?<\/strong> Is it OK to ask for leftovers?<\/strong> What\u2019s the best way to leave a party early?<\/strong> Should guests send handwritten thank you notes, or is an email OK?<\/strong>
\nIt\u2019s perfectly acceptable to have a \u201cno kids\u201d function, although that message often requires subtlety, so use of all your social skills. If you know someone won\u2019t get that cue, call them and say something along the lines of \u201cI know last time you brought so and so, but this time it\u2019s just for adults … and I hope you and Sue can join us.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nSome people aren\u2019t used to committing or are scared to say no, but the hardest thing for a host to hear is question mark. So yes, they\u2019re important.<\/p>\n
\nYou are essentially calling them out for not having the courtesy to respond, so any follow-up should have a light touch. To soften the awkwardness, you might say you just wanted to make sure the invitation was received or that you didn\u2019t misplace the reply. That will ease the burden off them.<\/p>\n
\nNot only is it OK to tell your host, but also it is guest etiquette. If you have a diet that\u2019s difficult for your host to understand \u2014 for instance, a gluten intolerance \u2014 be prepared to explain how to handle it and to bring a dish. That will help establish your goodwill. <\/p>\n
\nThe courtesy is to try everything you\u2019re served, but you don\u2019t have to eat everything to make your host feel good, although I wouldn\u2019t make a big show of not eating it.<\/p>\n
\nWine is a great gift that can go right in the wine cabinet, and flowers in a vase are always nice. But also consider specialty food items or little things for home, especially if there\u2019s a specialty from your hometown. It\u2019s the thought that counts.<\/p>\n
\nTwo rudes don\u2019t make a right, so stall as long as you can. But if the roast beef is getting cold, go ahead and begin. When the late arriver shows, catch him at the door, offer a gracious welcome and tell him you have a plate waiting in the kitchen. And let him know you waited as long as you could.<\/p>\n
\nDo the best you can. Settle them on the couch with a drink and tell them you have to do whatever. A good strategy is to be ready 10 minutes before a party starts and spend five minutes of it relaxing. Your attitude sets the tone for the event. <\/p>\n
\nPolitics, religion, someone\u2019s love life \u2014 the price of admission for talking about these topics is that you\u2019re willing to listen to different opinions. Don\u2019t attack anyone personally, and be willing to concede the last word if things get ugly. It is impossible to argue if you don\u2019t argue back. <\/p>\n
\nThe host has the prerogative to insert herself more assertively into conversation and to direct it in another direction. <\/p>\n
\nIt\u2019s not rude, but you want to taste it first. Particularly if you\u2019re in the presence of the cook.<\/p>\n
\nIt\u2019s up to the host to make the returns. Helpful guests can label their containers and hosts should consider keeping Post-its at the door and labeling dishes as guests arrive. <\/p>\n
\nNot unless the host says \u201ctake it,\u201d as it\u2019s an \u201cask\u201d that places a burden on the host. As a guest, you want to make the smallest footprint as possible.<\/p>\n
\nAlways make sure to say goodbye and thank you to each of your hosts. This is best done in person on the way out the door. If the party is huge or you can\u2019t find them, send a text or note the next day.<\/p>\n
\nIf the party is informal and you\u2019re familiar with your host, a thank you on your way out the door meets social obligation. If the event is formal, or when someone has taken the time to prepare a meal for you, a handwritten note is appropriate. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"The holidays are full of questions and not all of them have to do with gift-giving. So, what constitutes good manners at parties, \n [...]<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":62,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"coauthors":[5],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/newsinteractive.post-gazette.com\/pgh-food\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/13\/2016\/11\/MindYourManners.jpg?fit=1920%2C1280&ssl=1","wps_subtitle":"On hostess gifts, dinner conversation and late-arriving guests","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newsinteractive.post-gazette.com\/pgh-food\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/118"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newsinteractive.post-gazette.com\/pgh-food\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newsinteractive.post-gazette.com\/pgh-food\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newsinteractive.post-gazette.com\/pgh-food\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newsinteractive.post-gazette.com\/pgh-food\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=118"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/newsinteractive.post-gazette.com\/pgh-food\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/118\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":119,"href":"https:\/\/newsinteractive.post-gazette.com\/pgh-food\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/118\/revisions\/119"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newsinteractive.post-gazette.com\/pgh-food\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/62"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newsinteractive.post-gazette.com\/pgh-food\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=118"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newsinteractive.post-gazette.com\/pgh-food\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=118"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newsinteractive.post-gazette.com\/pgh-food\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=118"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newsinteractive.post-gazette.com\/pgh-food\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=118"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}